I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think I was fat… When did you start to become conscious of your body? If you worry about your weight or don’t like your body at what age did that begin for you? Thanks for watching, love to hear from you <3
When I look around I see beauty in everyone. When I look in the mirror I see none at all.
This is my body progress from 135-110, ages 15-17. For those who wanted to see, this is what I’ve done to my body…
It’s getting harder and harder for me to wake up in the morning. It’s a nightmare to step out of my room. Going to school is like eating nails, I can’t do it simply because I can’t. And I know you don’t understand but that’s because you don’t understand my brain. I am not you. You don’t know how it feels to be me, you will never know how hard my life is. You don’t have all the problems I have. Every day I want to die because I can’t live the way I’m living now anymore. I’m doing all I can to make myself happy, but it won’t work. I can’t be happy no matter how hard I try. I will always end up crying when I fall asleep. I see things you wouldn’t see in your worst nightmare, I hear people who can see me and they tell me to kill myself and cut myself and I want to listen. You don’t lie in bed every night wishing you’ll fall asleep but you never do, or wishing you’ll be dead by morning but you never are. You don’t know what it’s like to look in the mirror and cry because you look so ugly. I am so fat and ugly I can’t believe people can stand to look at me. Looking in the mirror makes me want to vomit. I go for days without eating. You will never know what it’s like to live in a bad dream when you can’t quite tell if things are real or not. I’ve forgotten how to be happy, I forgot what made me happy before. I hate pretending like I’m okay when there’s the devil in the class room. I’m more than sad and I’m exhausted everyday. I can’t sleep every night. I seriously want to die right now. I’m so sick of fucking everything up. I’m so sick of ruining everything in my life. All I do is get angry. I have problems, and it makes me a problem. I’m sorry I’m so difficult.
